Abuse without being hit

I feel this might hit home with some people but may also make some people think its insanity to call this abuse because its out of love.

I have been in relationships that have been not good for me but I didn’t realise at the time. Abuse can vary from mild to severe but the lasting effects of abuse can eat away inside of you. I feel most people think abuse is shouting and hitting but that’s not the only two ways someone can be abusive to you here are some examples.

Threatening to kill themselves if you leave,.

Threatening self harm to make you feel bad.

Threats to take the kids.

Making you feel worthless.

Making you feel guilty about having a social life.

Saying they are worthless and you deserve better, you feel sad and that you do not deserve them as they are such good people.

Making you cry often.

Making you feel amazing to tear you down when you don’t do what they want.

Trying to talk down about your friends as they are insecure.

Keeping you awake to argue

Controlling money.

commenting on your weight negatively. Making you feel insecure.

calling you ugly.

you wont get better than me. you aren’t a good partner.

You are not a great friend or family member.

you cant be upset with me I am at work or I am busy you are crazy.

Oh you are sad here is 10 reasons why I am worse than you.

Is that really something to be sad about? In a negative way.

You don’t deserve this or that.

You can do better than me but I will love you more than anyone.

Anxiety is in your head.

I love you don’t do this.

I need you don’t do that.

I hate you for this.

I hate me for loving you so much that I want to protect you.

being possessive.

Pretending to be understanding but using things against you.

making you give up everything and isolate you.

making you realise what they gave up for you often.

Complaining or sulking if they don’t get sex.

if you don’t want to be touched and they keep touching you hinting at sex and you made it clear you don’t but you feel like you have to so he or she doesn’t complain.

Some of those could be loving right? Some of those could be just he or she is having a bad day, but is this happening often? If it is then it will wear you down. Is this something you can get out of? Do you feel trapped or lonely? Or like me did you love them and believe every word? Be true to your own hearts and if you feel disrespected or used then please do whats best for you.

PLEASE ALWAYS BE SAFE! Feel safe, feel happy and if your heart tells you something try to listen but think logically too. ARE you safe? ARE you going to be safe?

What can you do? Leave is the main suggestion but it isn’t always easy to leave, money and children are the main two things I think hold people back from leaving a partner. You can call helplines, talk to friends or family, try to talk to your partner calmly and raise your concerns but most people whi behave this way wont change. Depression can cause people to act in a certain way as described so make sure that its not a temporary issue before making crazy big choices but if you ever feel in danger please get out.

Mamas mental health, isolating

I am so truly blessed to be home with my children especially during these difficult times of the covid-19 virus.

NHS is over worked, places are shut down.

School is out and we are all confined to our homes.

It sucks people! I adore my babies. I have a 9,5 and 3 year old and the oldest has been so bored she is literally dying her words not mine. My middle has been so hungry she has starved to death at least 20 times this week and my beautiful 3 year old has learned what ticks her sisters off and uses it wisely.

As a anxious mother of 3 suffering anxiety for 19 years it’s been an adjustment. Our kids are now off. I’m alone all day every day with only our garden as a form of exercise for us. I have become a teacher overnight and an I just say you teachers deserve so much more credit. My anxiety with the covid-19 outbreak has been dreadful now mixed with feeling alone and sad it isnt helpful. I have no job and was trying to find one before the outbreak. I have no release at the end of each day as my kids are nose to nose with me all day and night. Which is fine usually. But having am anxiety attack and hesting MUMMMMMMMMYYÝY every 3 seconds can be quite difficult.

So what do we as mamas or dads do? If we are anxious and in the house? Nothing we can really do is there. Our kids will continue to yell and want snacks. Our thoughts will run away wit worst case scenario. And our anxiety will reach the top but we have to snuggle our child or children tightly. Love them unconditionally. And sneak to the kitchen for a cup of tea and a snack yourself. Because we need to breathe too.

We havent failed if we yell. We havent failed if we dont do everything that was sent to us by the school. We havent failed if we accidentally taught our kids 3 new swear words this week. We are trying and we love them.

If you like me have no way to touch your man cos he is a country away and we are both broke on lock down. It’s okay to cry. Its okay to doubt yourself for a minute. Its absolutely fine to be a bit sassy often…… okay maybe not. But it’s okay. Push on. Push past this. I cant move for anxiety for minutes sometimes hours. I have a fast heart, feel light headed, nauseous, hot and dizzy. I have a tight chest I cry. But deep breathes. Pray to God that it’s going to blow over soon.

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